Greetings from St Barths in the French Antilles

In a cafe on the harbour scoffing my chicken salad and updating you all on the trip so far.
I had already written a lengthy blog on the flight down here from Miami but my silly computer wont let me copy and paste it so I have had to start again. Grrrr I joined the "Windsurf" yesterday in St Maarten and I'm all settled in now for the four and a half week stint I am about to undertake onboard.

Well, needless to say the weather here is gorgeous... just hot enough, gentle brezze an operation "Extreme Makeover" commences today (hence the chicken salad and not the house burger I wanted to order.) I intend to try and lose a few pounds whilst I'm away...get a tan and grow my hair.. hence the makeover. I'll be veritably unrecognisable on my return. That is, if I can keep off the sauvignon Blanc of which there is a spectacularly yummy example being sold on the yacht. ( I am informed I'm not to call it a ship as it is indeed a Motor Yacht)

At the weekend I performed at the "Addison Reserve Paps Corps" annual cancer fundraiser in Delray Beach Florida. Yes it was as grand as it sounds. Tens of thousands of dollars were raised on the night and through the golf tournament held in the day for this worthy cause and I felt honoured to be part of it. And after a fabulous weekend staying with Joy and Russ Leavitt, who had booked me for the occasion having seen me perform on a cruise last year, I am currently residing back on said vessel for several one week itineraries around the caribbean islands. Joy and Russ treated me to some spectacular hospitality over the weekend and after pizza and ribs, popcorn and shrimp, I am trying very hard to be sensible for the duration of my time away... though the food on board is spectacular and the baguette that came with my salad is staring at me saying "eat me eat me!!"

I have a show tomorrow night at 6pm, very unusually scheduled as I am effectively to be the warm up act for the "dessert parade" which is programmed for the prime time entertainment slot in the lounge at 10pm. Yes thats right, I've been bumped for a Meringue. The highlight of my career so far undoubtedly.. the support act for Baked Alaska! I know my place.

The next two weeks the ship has been chartered by two food and wine clubs which is excellent news (but not for my diet) as the last time this particular group travelled on the yacht they brought 4,500 bottles of wine with them for 300 passengers. Needless to say, alledgedly the staff also enjoyed their share of the free booty and whilst this could prove fundamental to the task of keeping my bar bill to a minimum this contract, it is by far not the most surprising news I have heard today.
An unofficial, yet very reliable source informs me the aforementioned food and wine group are bringing their own entertainment with them in the form of a band from Seattle and I have been "tipped off" that there is no current space in the entertainment programme for next week for my shows. So yes, without spelling it out or rubbing it in, it does appear that I am being paid to take a holiday next week. If Carlsberg did jobs... promise not to go on about it! I WILL of course be volunteering my services to do a crew show, or a band set or even to take one or to of the duo's slots off their hands in the smaller bar upstairs if they should deem this appropriate. I am not a complete freeloader and have OF COURSE brought outfits for pretty much every professional and personal situation that may arise during my time away. This miracle of micro packing being attributed solely to the fabulous vacuum bag I acquired from "Yabba Dabba Doo's" tat shop in Skegness in October. For those of you across the pond perusing this, a tat shop is a store that pretty much sells all kind of silly things you kind of didn't realise you needed till you went in... like mulit puprose inflatable tools, drain cleaner and Liverpool Football clubs 2007 collectors sticker book.The vacuum bags however are a MARVELLOUS invention. I squeezed 3 full-on bejewelled work dresses, netting and all, 15 knee length cocktail dresses, (I dont like to repeat too often!) 2 robes Joy gave me in Miami and 2 cotton shopping bags into the vacuum bag, attached the hoover and sucked the living daylights out of every inch of oxygen in that bag... so that all my swag now fits into a carrier that is designed to hold 3 suits. Granted, the handle fell off when I picked it up...BUT I GOT THEM IN!!! Its a travelling revelation.

Anyway, my good friend Captain Clark who I had the fortune to sail with on Island Cruises a couple of years ago, and who recommended me to Windstar for the contracts I now enjoy was onboard just for a night of my stay yesterday and today has rejoined the sister vessel the "Windspirit" which is berthed in St Barts with us today. I had a most enjoyable evening with him last night, drinking wine and eating lobster (its a dirty job...but someone has to) and am looking forward to next week when the yachts are berthed together againen John informs me he's sending a boat to come and get me from the Windsurf so I can have a nosey around the Windspirit and a spot of lunch with him. I like the idea of that... someone sending a boat for me. I did 84 flights last year, hundreds of taxi journeys, train connections... you name it. But no one has ever sent a boat for  me before. I am holding him to it! Watch this space!

Because I am new to this blogging lark I have not yet worked out how to upload pictures etc to the page. I will work on this wherever I get wifi.. I'll be a female Bill Gates by the end of the trip just you watch.
Well folks, thanks for your time. Enjoy your day. I'm off to power walk around the harbour to burn of the end of the baguette i just snaffled (I am weak)
Wish me luck in my quest for tanned skinnyness!!
Miss you all already

xxx