When I left school at 16, completed college at 18 or even graduated from university at 21, i never could have anticipated what the 'commute to work' would entail for me in the years to come. 

Today,  I'm taking a taxi to work.

 In Guatemala. 

After flying manchester-JFK-Miami-Guatemala City yesterday, I'm now enroute from the capital city to Puerto Quetzal on the coast. 

Today I join the Celebrity Century for nine days, before flying to Miami for 3 nights and eventually on to Panama to pick up the celebrity Equinox to Barbados. But today is all about Guatemala.

I discover my drivers name is Victor. I have also ascertained that he speaks no English.  And being completely bereft of Espanol myself I'm acutely aware that I am somewhat at the mercy of my septuagenarian escort... In other words, I have no idea whatsoever where I am or where I'm going. 

I take solace in the fact that this is indeed a taxi provided by the port authority so there is some paper trail somewhere that leads back to the ship, even if I don't. 

My hotel is on what seems to be the outskirts of the metropolis and the start of our journey reminds me very much of the back streets of Barbados, wooden shacks interspersed with big name fast food chains. No sooner do we take the first corner before what looks like an early 1980's mobile phone starts to shout and erupt at us from the space between the two front seats. It turns out to be a walkie talkie... Or long range radio device which startles me, not so much because of its size or volume but more because Victors 'code name' from base appears to be 'Blahbio blob blob'.

Now as I've said, my Spanish is virtually non existent but even I am unsure as to whether calling someone 'Blahbio Blob Blob' is a term of endearment. Victor seems sweet enough to me, certainly smiley and courteous and certainly not overweight.  I wouldn't really have seen him as a 'Blahbio Blob Blob' ...more of a 'smileo wrinkle chops' maybe. Just a suggestion. 

As we head out of town the myriad of houses and restaurants give way to miles and miles of hilly agricultural land at the foot of some incredibly spectacular mountain regions. It's apparent we're traversing the base of these foothills as the gradients constantly change but Victor proves to be the most conscientious taxi driver ever, barely ever reaching 80 kilometres an hour, braking constantly and ever more convincing me that the 'Uno hora' estimated journey time may have been a little optimistic on his part. I was relaxed though, and enjoying my albeit brief observations of a country I'd only ever seen from the inside of the port area on a previous trip. 

I was starting to relax, and take an odd photo when Victor uncharacteristically swerved between both lanes, his head 'owl like' facing completely the wrong direction as he pointed and shouted "Activo Activo" .

At first I thought he was cajoling me into a more animated state in the back seat and I contemplated a few stomach crunches to please him or maybe even a quick bout of the 'Macarena' though I admit to never actually knowing any other lyrics but the title. Then I realised to my surprise and his delight that the mountain I was previously so serenely admiring was actually a volcano and its masculine plumes of smoke skywards had propelled victor not only into this most animated state but also almost into the central reservation. Nevertheless we survived....car and victors grin intact and more alert now I returned to my volcano gazing.

 As we slowed to approach the next gas station I used my most pigeon of Spanish to ask victor if there was a bathroom I could use inside. Thankfully 'lavados' though a complete guess, does actually mean toilet apparently. I was relieved. I feared a tasteless game of charades was my other alternative as I imagined squatting and hissing on the forecourt. 

I breezed in through the door only to be greeted by a rather short and incredibly menacing looking  security guard brandishing a rather odd looking but at the same time highly intimidating automatic weapon at least two foot long. My first thought was, 'that's a big gun on such a little dude,' rapidly followed by 'he's literally guarding those Cheetos with his life' 

I hastily peed and left, having been reminded that I wasn't in Bolton anymore toto and that wandering around anywhere in an unfamiliar country on your own is ill advised. 

Within a matter of minutes we were back on the road and still a little unsettled from my coming face to face with the Guatemalan version of Rambo I was beyond shocked to discover that even the shepherds in these parts appeared to rely on guns to protect their flock. As we whizzed past the fields, they stood alert and grimacing, staring over the fences on the road wielding their arms. Not the most welcoming of sights to a tourist, but I was just that, a tourist and felt glad I was headed to a ship and familiar faces soon. 

I was glad to reach the Century and after a rather long wait in the port area as the agent processed my embarkation I looked forward to catching up with my good friend John Grantham the cruise director and several other entertainer pals who happened to be working on the same ship that week. It's the smallest ship in the fleet at 1800 guests but a very friendly and atmospheric vessel. The entertainment and activities were well attended and supported all week and I felt really privileged to be sharing the stage with some of these other incredibly talented individuals. 

Even after ten years since my first cruising experience and only 3 or 4 years regularly working for international cruise brands such as Celebrity, I still

 never tire of the experience of performing my show with an awesome orchestra in a lovely theatre such as this. I'm nobody... especially  to an international audience who have absolutely no initial affinity with this mouthy British songstress. But they were incredibly warm and embracing and I felt veritably giddy at the opportunity to do my thang for these fabulous participants. During my time onboard and 3 (repeated) shows  in total I think the highlight for me had to be the gentleman who joined in so avidly during one of my audience participation numbers. 

During this part of the show I head out into the auditorium and entice various male members  of the audience to sing along to the Etta James hit "I Just Wanna Make Love to You" I've had various rambunctious responses to this ditty in the past, including one participant who actually chased me around the theatre during one show, but this weeks guy had to be one of my favourites. As I approached him he was waving ferociously and as I reached his seat I discovered it was indeed a $20 bill he was brandishing. He proceeded to push the bill into the top of my dress much to the delight of the audience. However as soon as the song finished and I turned to address the rest of the room he swiftly jumped from his seat, lunged over my shoulder and plucked it right out again. I felt like the worlds worst stripper... still fully clothed and tip-less. 

He was a great sport though. I love a good spontaneous heckler. 

As I type, I'm just grabbing a quick meal at Dallas Fort Worth as i have a 2 hour layover en route to Miami. I'm meeting with my agent there tomorrow and we're heading to some meetings with some of the fabulous people currently keeping me in work this side of the pond and beyond. It's an early start tomorrow so a power nap on my next flight might be in order. 

I'm enjoying my adventure so far. Spending the day in San Diego this week was definitely a highlight. It's without doubt one of the friendliest places I've been to in the states. Especially the guys! Very friendly indeed! A brief stop in Cabo also satisfied. It's apparently the second most expensive place in the world to moor a yacht, after Monaco.if I'd known, I'd have worn heels! 

Well, I'm looking forward to part two of this 23 day jaunt away, Panama, the American Virgin Islands amongst other islands beckon.The Equinox is a bigger ship, but its facilities are beautiful and its theatre not unlike any you'd see in London. 

It's days like today, even though I've spent most of the day on the plane, I realise exactly how crazy my life has become. I've been to Mexico, Dallas and Miami. Last week I took a taxi through Guatemala, a guy gave and took back a $20 bill from my cleavage and now believe it or not, an ACTUAL dog is in the seat next to me on the plane.  Not a handbag dog... A Labrador.

I'm not really an animal fan to be honest. And it keeps wagging at my legs.

This could only happen to me.